The Raven
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So, I had a stab at writing Short Story for a competition. Sadly, it didn’t win but I did come close runner up and received some amazing feedback from the judge. It’s less than 1000 words, which was one of the remits, so only takes about five minutes to read. But I enjoyed the challenge of sharpening my writing and hope you enjoy the results. Let me know what you think, as it’s inspired an idea for a novel.
What the judge said about it:
The Raven. I found this a powerful and startling piece of writing- a beautifully written and structured piece of magical realism. The language is vivid and poetic and a pleasure to read, I thought the dialogue superb. The story effortlessly takes you into another world and has a simple but clever structure.
The Raven
I feel the weight of his stare on my back, but don’t look to the rafters. It’s a game we’ve played since I was young enough that my hips didn’t catch against the gap I have to crawl through to get in here. I push to my feet and dust off my knees, inspecting my dress to make sure I didn’t get dirt on it. I brush an imaginary crease from the navy fabric. The collar is high and it’s sleeveless, with white polka dots.
The heat of his gaze warms my shoulders and my insides flutter. I don’t understand it, but then I’ve never been normal. Normal girls wouldn’t trek out here each day with the hopes of seeing him. Normal girls wouldn’t dress up for him and hold their breath for that tingling sensation of finding him here. I step carefully around the rusted parts of a long-forgotten tractor. Someone dismantled it years ago, the parts carefully placed on the dirt floor. The reddish crust coating the metal is testament to how long they’ve been forgotten.
A thrill shoots down my spine when I spot my gift. I skip over the last few tractor parts, duck under an old leather gismo hanging from a rusted hook, and drop to my knees. He likes leaving me presents, tiny treasures I squirrel in an old shoebox beneath my bed. When I miss my parents most, I take out the box and go through my treasures. The fire has taken everything from me – everyone. Except this. He started leaving treasures the week after the funeral, like he knew I needed new memories. Like he knew I needed him.
I pick up the shiny coin and rub it between my thumb and forefinger, the surface smooth and worn under my skin. Despite its shine it’s old, the face of a long-dead sovereign marking one side, while a strange coat of arms decorates the other.
I look up, glimpsing a shadow in the rafters, and push to my feet. I slip the coin into the pocket of my dress and start climbing the bales of hay. They’re rotten and filled with mice, but I don’t let that stop me. I reach the top bales, amid the rafters. The dark up here is splintered with sunlight that streams in through holes in the barn roof. It’s pretty, and dust floats in the shards of light. Tucked between these rafters is my favourite place, and I take a moment to soak in the silence.
Feathers rustle. ‘I see you,’ I whisper.
My raven flutters from a dark corner and alights on the bale beside me. He hops closer, passing through a shaft of sunlight that illuminates the blue-black of his feathers. The glassy intelligence in his gaze makes me smile.
‘Thank you for my present,’ I tell him.
He caws and I grin. It’s almost like he knows what I’m saying. I hold out my hand and he hops onto my palm, fluttering his wings. I stroke the sleek feathers along his back and he tilts his head to one side, studying me.
‘I wish you could speak,’ I say.
I sigh and sit up straight, the thought of how pathetic I am souring my mood. I put the raven down and curl my knees into my chest. He skips across the bale to me and flaps his wings, until he’s perched on my bent knee. His head tilts, curiosity sparkling in those glassy eyes.
‘My best friend is a raven,’ I huff, like he’ll understand. ‘I get dressed up to come see you because it’s the highlight of my days. When you’re not here it’s hard to breathe. And when I’m so alone it hurts, my treasures from you are what keep me from falling.’
I sigh. Carefully, I scoop him up and place him on the bale. I climb from the rafters and step gingerly around bits of tractor. I reach the gap where I crawled in and the hairs on my nape rise. My raven is perched on the ground by my feet when I turn back. He stares up at me as I stare down at him. Then the air shivers and heat blasts against my skin. I fall onto my backside, heart pounding in my throat, as I stare up at the naked man where my raven was a moment before. I squeak when he drops gracefully to his knees, muscle and sinew bunching.
‘I love you,’ he says, voice deep, warm.
‘W-who-’ I stop, the familiar glinting of his onyx gaze making my pulse rocket. His hair has the same blue-black sheen, as it curls around an olive complexion. ‘My Raven,’ I whisper. I struggle to comprehend it but can’t deny what I just witnessed.
He smiles, tucking a length of hair behind my ear. ‘My Rebecca.’
I stare at him and he stares back, with the same eyes that have grounded me through so much sorrow. My best friend. The light in my dark.
‘You’re a man,’ I say. ‘And a bird… A man-bird.’
He chuckles, the sound rich. ‘A Raven Shifter,’ he grins.
‘After all these years, why reveal yourself now?’ I ask. ‘What do you want?’
‘You,’ he answers.
‘What?’
‘I live for your visits, Rebecca. For your smile when you see the treasures I leave.’ I don’t resist when he takes my hand, curling long fingers around mine. ‘I’ve waited a long time for you to love me back.’
‘You love me,’ I whisper, heart racing.
He nods. ‘No more loneliness, love,’ he says and kisses my palm. ‘No more hurting.’
‘But how?’ I ask, not sure how it would work.
‘You’ll be like me,’ he answers.
I baulk at him. ‘A bird?’
‘A Raven Shifter,’ he chuckles. ‘I’ll teach you to fly.’
Excitement takes over. ‘And to find treasures?’
He cups my face, dark eyes warm. ‘I don’t need treasures, Rebecca. I have you.’
And I had him, my raven.